Desperate

I want to be more like Christ. It's hard at times for me not to get discouraged and beat up on myself for how bad of a person I really am- how shameful my motives are in so many things. A lot of times I find myself to be pretty ridiculous. Not for the obvious outward reasons. I'm talking about my private self. The me behind my eyes and between my ears. Truly a ridiculous person in his motives. Definitely not the revolutionary I like to picture myself one day being. I guess that's the problem. I picture myself being this man "someday". Really I should start NOW. TODAY! I have to start doing whatever it takes. First and foremost I have to dive into the Word. I believe it's scriptural to memorize scripture. Ha. I think it says something about that somewhere. A perfect example of my need to wholly devour the Word every chance I get. I'm trying to see that the urges and desires of my flesh aren't really me. I am not my flesh. I am a prisoner inside of my flesh. But my flesh is not me. I am- we all are- exalted beings. But we don't live up to what we are we cheat ourselves. I cheat myself... I'll cheat myself no longer by the grace of God.