On Happiness and Lonliness

I think everybody for the most part wants somebody to share life with- somebody who gets it. I know I do anyway. But I'm broken. I'm not yet whole. So much of me needs to be repaired that all I can possibly yield of anyone or offer to anyone of the opposite sex is something that's defective- something that's not what it could be and what it should be. I pray (and anyone who happens to read this, I ask you to pray) that I could have the wisdom and the true desire to run away from distractions. It's good for me to want someone that smells and looks better than me and is soft with a smaller, cuter, less threatening voice- someone who doesn't feel the faint urge to fight random strangers passing by for no apparent reason at all other than pure testosterone-induced aggression. That's good. The Lord said that it is not good for man to be alone. But I've begun to realize lately that first I need to be wholly and completely focused on God and to allow Him to change me from the inside out. I have to be completely abandoned and even at times appear to be perhaps completely insane for Christ the King. He is the ruler of all us refugees on this earth. I'm trying (and I will succeed by the grace of God) to sacrifice the notion that I'm even entitled to have someone to share this adventure of life other than Christ Himself. Someday perhaps the time will be right. Perhaps that time will never come. Either way is fine as long as God's will is accomplished. Not that it wouldn't be a challenge to live single, assuming I live for any number of years. But I'm up to the challenge. What other choice do I have? We aren't living for this world. Somehow I've kept forgetting that in moments of monotony and the mundane hum-drum of every day. Truly this world is just a strange and powerful illusion. I pray the Lord would open our eyes.

A Revolution approaches...